we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
false alarm. still invincible.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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