Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
we should paint friendship bongs
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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