you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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