bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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