my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
