Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I woke up under a house in Key West
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