Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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