Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
