hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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