You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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