i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
