her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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