What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
