he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
