I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
