Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
