you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
