I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
