If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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