About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
