Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize