she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
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