Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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