it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize