i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
