he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
