I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
