we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
