i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
