So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
