Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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