I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
