Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
