There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
