I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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