Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
