GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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