the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
