I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
