Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
