VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
