I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
