She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
