lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
