we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
