The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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