I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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