I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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