Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
3pm strippers are depressing
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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