someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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