i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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