he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize