Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
