Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
