Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
