i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
