i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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