is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
