so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
