weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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