Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
