Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
