i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
