i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
