I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
