he shaved USA in his pubs
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
